Why Isn’t This Magical? When Motherhood Doesn’t Feel Like You Expected

Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health

Motherhood is often portrayed as a magical experience filled with instant love, joy, and fulfillment. While that can be true for some, many mamas find themselves grappling with feelings of confusion, disappointment, and even sadness when their reality doesn’t match the idealized version they’ve come to expect. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone — and it’s okay to feel this way.

Let’s talk about why motherhood might not feel as magical as you’d imagined and how working with a maternal mental health therapist or postpartum therapist can help you navigate these feelings.

The Myth of Magical Motherhood

From pregnancy announcements to parenting blogs, our culture romanticizes motherhood. Social media, with its carefully curated snapshots of picture-perfect families, reinforces the idea that being a mom should always feel rewarding and blissful. The truth, however, is more complicated. Motherhood can be deeply rewarding, but it’s also exhausting, messy, and emotionally challenging.

For many moms, this gap between expectation and reality leads to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and even shame. When you don’t feel the instant connection or joy you expected, it can be easy to wonder if something is wrong with you. This is where support from a perinatal therapist or therapist for moms can be life-changing.

Why Motherhood Doesn’t Always Feel Magical

Several factors can contribute to the disconnect between your expectations and your experience:

1. Hormonal Shifts

After giving birth, your body undergoes significant hormonal changes that can impact your mood and emotions. It’s common to feel overwhelmed or teary in the early weeks after your baby is born. While these feelings are often referred to as the “baby blues,” it’s important to recognize when they’re lasting longer or intensifying. A perinatal mental health therapist can help you distinguish between postpartum depression vs baby blues and provide tailored support.

2. Sleep Deprivation

Lack of sleep can severely impact on your emotional well-being. When you’re running on empty, it’s harder to experience joy or patience. Exhaustion can amplify feelings of frustration or isolation, making the experience of motherhood feel more like survival than magic.

3. Loss of Identity

Becoming a mom often brings significant changes to your sense of self. Many women struggle with losing their pre-motherhood identity or feeling like they’ve become defined solely by their role as a mom. This shift can be unsettling and contribute to feelings of disconnection.

4. Isolation

Modern motherhood can be incredibly isolating, especially if you don’t have a strong support system. Feeling alone in your struggles can make the challenges of parenting feel even heavier. Connecting with a postpartum therapist or joining a support group can help you feel less isolated.

5. Unrealistic Expectations

The pressure to be a “perfect mom” can be crushing. Whether it’s breastfeeding, sleep training, or balancing work and home life, the unrealistic standards placed on mothers can make you feel like you’re constantly falling short. Some refer to this as the “Goddess Myth,” and it can significantly impact your maternal mental health. 

How to Cope When Motherhood Feels Different Than You Expected

If motherhood isn’t feeling magical for you, there are steps you can take to process these feelings and find more joy in your journey:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step is to accept and validate your emotions. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, disappointed, or even resentful at times. These feelings don’t make you a bad mom — they make you human.

2. Seek Professional Support

A postpartum therapist or maternal mental health therapist specializes in helping moms navigate the emotional challenges of motherhood. Whether you’re dealing with postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or simply need someone to talk to, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

3. Reframe Your Expectations

Let go of the idea that motherhood needs to be perfect or magical all the time. Focus on the small, meaningful moments that make up your day-to-day experience. A perinatal therapist can help you reframe your perspective and embrace the beauty in imperfection.

4. Build a Support System

You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to family, friends, or local mom groups to build a network of support. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly validating.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is essential for taking care of your baby. Make time for rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you joy. Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s necessary for your well-being.

6. Educate Yourself

Understanding the difference between postpartum depression vs baby blues can empower you to seek the right kind of help. If you’re unsure where to start, a perinatal mental health therapist can guide you through the process.

Final Thoughts

If motherhood doesn’t feel like you expected, you’re not alone — and you’re not failing. Parenting is one of the hardest, most rewarding journeys you’ll ever undertake, and it’s okay if it doesn’t feel magical every step of the way. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, and prioritizing your well-being, you can find your own version of joy and fulfillment in motherhood. Remember, there is no “right” way to be a mom, and reaching out to a therapist for moms can be a powerful step toward reclaiming your confidence and peace of mind.

Ready to start your healing journey? Contact Shameless Mama Wellness today to schedule a free consultation.

With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn

I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.

As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.