Coping Strategies for Managing Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts

Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health

Intrusive thoughts can feel like unwelcome guests in your head—startling, unsettling, and persistent. For new mamas, these thoughts can amplify feelings of shame and guilt, leaving you questioning your worth or capabilities as a mother. If you’ve experienced these thoughts, know this: intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of who you are but a sign of an overstimulated brain navigating a transformative time.

Understanding Intrusive Thoughts

First, it’s essential to know that intrusive thoughts are incredibly common. They’re often the brain’s way of responding to stress, hormonal changes, or heightened vigilance—a natural byproduct of the postpartum period. These thoughts are not indicators of your character or intent; they are fleeting mental events. Understanding this can help you detach from the guilt and shame that often accompany them. Having a new baby is a time of great vulnerability. Your brain in trying to manage keeping a tiny human safe. The magnitude of this task can create difficulties for an overwhelmed mind. Let’s explore practical strategies to manage these thoughts, quiet the noise, and find self-compassion.

Normalize and Name the Experience

When intrusive thoughts appear, resist the urge to suppress or avoid them. Instead, name what’s happening: “This is just an intrusive thought.” Acknowledging the thought without judgment helps diffuse its power. Remember, thoughts are not facts, and their presence doesn’t mean they’re meaningful. Thoughts are additionally not actions, and they do not mean you intend to act on them or have any desire to do so.

Practice Grounding Techniques

Grounding exercises can help bring you back to the present moment and reduce the intensity of intrusive thoughts. Try these simple methods:

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. This will help take you out of your mind and into the present moment. 

• Deep Breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 6. Repeat until your body feels calmer. This will help physiologically calm your body.

• Physical Touch: Hold a comforting object, like a soft blanket or your baby’s tiny sock, to ground yourself in the here and now. This will help take you out of your mind as well. 

Reframe Your Thinking

Cognitive reframing involves shifting your perspective about intrusive thoughts. Instead of “Why am I thinking this? There must be something wrong with me,” try, “This thought is means my mind is under stress. It doesn’t define me or my abilities as a mother.”

Pair this with compassionate self-talk, such as, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”

Build Rituals That Invite Calm

Daily rituals can provide a sense of stability and reduce the likelihood of intrusive thoughts taking hold. Consider these ideas:

• Cultivate a Daily Gratitude Practice: Begin or end your day by listing three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small.

• Start Journaling: Write out your thoughts to externalize them and gain perspective.

• Engage in Mindful Movement: Gentle yoga, a short walk, or stretching can release tension and ground you in your body. Even a simple 5 minute practice can help.

Connect with Friends and Family

Sharing your experience with someone you trust can be profoundly healing. Whether it’s a friend, partner, or therapist, voicing your thoughts helps normalize them and may help you feel less isolated. 

For many mothers, therapy offers a safe space to process these feelings further. A postpartum therapist, perinatal therapist, or maternal mental health therapist can provide evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which are incredibly effective in managing persistent intrusive thoughts and any underlying trauma.

Addressing Shame Around Intrusive Thoughts

Shame often amplifies the distress caused by intrusive thoughts, making it harder to speak up or seek help. For many moms, societal expectations about "perfect parenting" create an environment where normal struggles are stigmatized.

To combat shame, it’s vital to understand that intrusive thoughts don’t make you a bad mom—they are a common, albeit uncomfortable, part of the human experience. A perinatal mental health therapist can guide you in reframing these thoughts and fostering self-compassion. By addressing shame, you can shift your focus from self-judgment to self-acceptance.

As a therapist for moms, I specialize in helping you process these feelings and can empower you to challenge the unrealistic standards that fuel shame. Seeking postpartum therapy is a proactive way to build resilience and normalize the complex emotions of motherhood.

Know When to Seek Help

While intrusive thoughts are normal, there are times when professional support is necessary. If these thoughts feel constant, distressing, or interfere with your ability to care for yourself or your baby, reaching out to a maternal mental health therapist can make a world of difference.

It’s also important to distinguish between postpartum depression vs baby blues. The baby blues typically resolve within a few weeks, while postpartum depression may require targeted support, often including therapy and other resources. A perinatal therapist can help determine the best course of action.

Final Word on Self-Compassion

Intrusive thoughts thrive in the shadows of shame. By shining a light on them, naming them, and equipping yourself with tools to manage them, you can take back control. Remember, motherhood is not about perfection; it’s about presence. Embrace its messy, beautiful reality and grant yourself the grace you offer others.

Whether through grounding exercises, reframing techniques, or the guidance of a postpartum or perinatal mental health therapist, you can navigate this journey with resilience. You are not alone, and you are enough.

Ready to start your healing journey? Contact Shameless Mama Wellness today to schedule a free consultation.

With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn

I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.

As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.

Online therapy available to new moms in California.