Embracing Shameless Imperfection: How the “Goddess Myth” Impacts Maternal Mental Health
Hey, Shameless Mamas – Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I’d like to draw attention to the challenging journey of motherhood experienced by countless women, where the pressure to conform to idealized notions of childbirth and parenting weighs heavily.
In a survey conducted by TIME, half of new mothers reported feelings of regret, shame, guilt, or anger, with more than 70% feeling pressured to adhere to certain parenting norms. The pressure to breastfeed exclusively or pursue natural childbirth often conflicts with the physical realities many women face. Despite our best efforts and intentions, oftentimes our bodies simply do not cooperate, and this is not our fault.
The Impact of Social Media on Postpartum Mental Health
The rise of social media and online forums has only amplified these pressures, bombarding mothers with unrealistic expectations. Whether it's the "breast is best" mantra, the pressure to avoid pain medication during childbirth or countless other expectations, the Goddess Myth of motherhood sets unattainable standards that leave many mothers feeling inadequate as they face intense scrutiny and judgment, both internally and externally. Postpartum Therapists agree that this can profoundly impact maternal mental health.
Navigating Unrealistic Expectations
Being told that birth and breastfeeding are “natural” and to trust our bodies often leaves new mothers feeling like failures from the very start if it doesn’t work as smoothly as we have been told it will. And, it often doesn’t.
It certainly didn’t for me…
I recall my enthusiasm, birth plan in hand, as I entered the hospital with my social media-fueled notions of the beautiful birth experience I was about to enjoy. However, I soon found myself lying in a hospital bed recovering from an emergency c-section after 40 hours of “unproductive labor” with a baby in the NICU. How had I already failed at such an important job - one that was supposed to have come so naturally?
The pressure to adhere to these unrealistic norms is harming mothers. In many ways, we are setting mothers up to fail from the beginning by creating impossible standards and then shaming them when they cannot conform to them. The maternal guilt all mothers feel is crystalizing into shame, sometimes leading to depression and anxiety postpartum. Postpartum Depression currently impacts 10-15% of new mothers. We can help to decrease these numbers by honoring more variability in their experiences.
Conquering the Shame: Celebrating the Individual
But, amidst the chaos, a growing anti-shame movement is thankfully emerging. Advocates are challenging the rigid dogma surrounding breastfeeding and childrearing, advocating for informed choices and support for all options.
As mothers, it's crucial to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood. Each journey is unique, filled with its own challenges and triumphs. It's time to dismantle the myth of perfect motherhood and embrace the messy, imperfect reality.
Supporting one another is vital in this endeavor. Honesty in our mothering experiences is imperative. When we view social media and see how perfectly everyone else is managing motherhood, we cannot help but make unfavorable comparisons. We forget that everyone displays only the picture-perfect moments of their lives. I encourage more honesty. Post some less-than-perfect snapshots! And, post them shamelessly! As we open up and reveal our true experience, we encourage others to do the same. When we meet one another in this vulnerability, connection is made and healing can occur.
So, Shameless Mamas, Postpartum Therapists encourage us to celebrate our individual experiences and support each other through the highs and lows of motherhood. Together, we can rewrite the narrative and create a more inclusive, compassionate community for all mothers. To quote the attached article, “Moms have to stick together even as we walk our separate paths. We have to spot the templates and realize there are no templates. We have to talk about our failures and realize there are no failures.”
With warmth and in solidarity,
Marilyn
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.
I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.
To read more on this topic, click the following articles:
Motherhood Is Hard to Get Wrong. So Why Do So Many Moms Feel So Bad About Themselves?
