The Power of Intention: Navigating Matrescence with Mindfulness
Hey, Shameless Mamas – Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health
As we embark on the transformative journey of motherhood, we find ourselves immersed in a profound process of change known as matrescence.
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I believe that this journey entails the formation of a new identity as a mother, paralleling the emotional, psychological, and social changes experienced during adolescence. Through introspection and self-discovery, we are given the opportunity to discern the kind of parent we aspire to be. As we navigate diverse parenting philosophies, matrescence empowers us to make intentional choices about motherhood that align with our values and aspirations.
Exploring Our New Family Dynamics
The arrival of a new baby heralds not only the birth of a child, but also the creation of a new family dynamic. As matrescence unfolds, the family experiences a profound transformation marked by shifts in roles, responsibilities, and connections. Each family member navigates their unique journey of adaptation and growth. Through intentional communication, patience, and empathy, we have the opportunity to foster deeper bonds within the family.
Conflicts will undoubtedly arise, and we may find that our long-standing conflict-resolution skills are no longer as effective. As the family dynamics continue to evolve, it may challenge the strategies that have worked thus far. This is normal and understandable, and it is possible to begin to restructure the family’s framework to accommodate the new addition.
Family of Origin: Take it or Leave it
Matrescence invites us to reflect on the legacy of our upbringing and consider its impact on our parenting journey. We evaluate our familial lineage, embracing valuable lessons while letting go of patterns that no longer serve us.
We may forge deeper connections with our own mothers or find it necessary to set stronger boundaries with family members. We may also start to identify and process the complexities of our maternal lineage. Through this introspection, we encounter opportunities for healing and growth.
I experienced this profoundly when I became a mother. My relationship with my mother is complicated. When my son was born, I deliberately chose the aspects of her parenting that I wanted to incorporate into my own style. I was able to honor the gifts I felt she gave us while also acknowledging the mistakes I feel she made when raising her children.
Moreover, I experienced a great deal of healing when I experienced her grandparent my son in a way I wish she had been able to parent me. This greatly improved our relationship as I was able to recognize that she may not have had the resources she needed to be an effective parent when I was a child, but she gained them somewhere along the way. Allowing her to provide them to my son was healing and empowering.
Owning Your Unique Identity
Matrescence gives us the opportunity to create our own unique identity with intention. I believe that all mindful, informed and thoughtful parenting decisions are valid. Your parenting decisions, when crafted with thoughtful design, are legitimate. No two children are the same, and therefore there is no blueprint for the “perfect mother.” What works for your neighbor’s, sister’s or cousin’s child may not work for yours. Only you know what works for your child. Please allow your innate wisdom to guide you in the right direction, because it will. Trust in it and honor your decisions and the decisions of others.
Let's approach this journey with openness and receptivity, charting a course guided by intuition, empathy, and authenticity. By cultivating compassion and understanding for ourselves and others, we create a supportive community that celebrates the richness of our individual experiences. Postpartum Therapists will confirm that there is no “right” way to approach matrescence. Let’s celebrate the richness of this transformative experience together, shamelessly.
With warmth and in solidarity,
Marilyn
