First-Time Mom Survival Guide (3 of 10): What New Moms Really Need (That No One Talks About)
Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health
When you're pregnant, everyone has something to say about what you need - Diaper Genies, Baby Wipe Warmers, the "perfect" stroller… But, once the baby arrives, the things you truly need—the ones that don’t fit in an Amazon box—are nowhere on the registry.
Let’s talk about what really matters: the emotional and psychological essentials that can make or break a new mother’s postpartum experience. This chapter can feel like a soul-level identity crisis, especially for high-functioning, perfectionist moms. You’re used to doing it all, and now, everything is different.
1. Validation (Like, All. The. Time)
You need to hear that you're doing a good job and that it's okay to hate it some days. You need to hear that the intrusive thoughts are normal and that you're allowed to want space and still love your baby. You need help to understand that it’s okay to grieve the loss of your pre-baby identity or that you have no idea how to forge a new one now that baby is here.
Validation is emotional oxygen. And, too many new moms are gasping for it. Find that validation in safe friends, trauma-informed therapists, and communities that speak truth—not platitudes.
2. Sleep (Yes, Even If It Means Breaking “Rules”)
You don’t need a perfect sleep schedule. You need sleep, whatever it takes.
Whether it’s:
Safe co-sleeping
Letting a partner take over a night shift
Hiring a night doula
This isn’t about doing it the “right” way. It’s about protecting your postpartum mental health. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor—it’s a crisis signal.
3. Space to Feel the Messy Stuff
Motherhood is both beautiful and brutal. You’re allowed to be thrilled and grieving. You can be both in love and resentful, confident and totally lost. It’s possible and normal to feel conflicting emotions at the same time, and it’s perfectly normal.
Make room for:
Tears without needing to explain
Rage without shame
Joy without guilt
Your emotions are not a problem to fix. They’re a map to your inner world. Honor them.
4. Boundaries (aka Sanity-Savers)
You don’t owe anyone access to you or your baby. That includes overly opinionated (perhaps well-meaning) relatives, curious acquaintances, and even well-meaning friends.
Boundaries might look like:
"We’re not having visitors right now."
"Please don’t offer advice unless I ask."
"We’ll share photos when we’re ready."
Boundaries are love notes to your nervous system. Practice them as often as you can.
5. Solitude (Even for Extroverts)
Sometimes what you need most is just five minutes of silence with no one touching you or needing anything from you. Solitude isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.
Try:
Sitting in the car alone with your coffee
Walking around the block solo
Locking the bathroom door and breathing for two full minutes
Small moments of solitude can recalibrate your sense of self in profound ways.
Final Thoughts: Your Needs Are Real (And Worthy)
You are not high-maintenance or weak. You are not doing it wrong.
You are human—and humans have need, especially in the tender terrain of new motherhood.
Validation, rest, space, boundaries and solitude are necessary, and you have the right to ask for all of them. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a lifeline. Prioritize them like you would a feeding schedule. Your baby doesn’t need a perfect mom. They need a present mother, and presence comes from being well-supported.
Ready to start your healing journey? Contact Shameless Mama Wellness today to schedule a free consultation.
With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn
I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.
