First-Time Mom Survival Guide (6 of 10): How to Talk to Your Partner About Postpartum Support

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The postpartum period is a time of transition, growth, and change — and it’s not just a shift for you, but also for your partner. As a first-time mom, the changes in your body, emotions, and lifestyle can be overwhelming. It’s easy to feel like everything is suddenly on your shoulders, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Clear communication with your partner about your needs for postpartum support can make all the difference.

Starting conversations about postpartum care before the baby arrives can set the tone for a smoother transition. Having a solid plan in place will help you both feel more supported and connected as you navigate this challenging and beautiful chapter together.

In this guide, we’ll explore how to approach conversations with your partner about division of labor, intimacy, and overall communication strategies that promote mutual understanding and shared responsibility.

1. The Importance of Division of Labor

One of the most crucial aspects of postpartum support is the division of labor. After giving birth, your body is healing, and your emotional energy is going toward bonding with your baby. As much as you love your new role as a mother, it’s important that your partner shares the responsibilities of daily life.

Here's how to start the conversation about division of labor:

• Talk About Expectations: Before the baby arrives, sit down with your partner to discuss what each of you expects during the postpartum period. Make sure your partner understands that you’ll need their help with both baby-related tasks (feeding, changing diapers, etc.) and household duties (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.).

• Be Specific: It’s important to have specific discussions about who will handle what. For example, you might agree that your partner will take on the majority of the cooking for the first few weeks or handle all nighttime feedings so you can rest.

• Be Open to Re-Evaluating: Postpartum life is unpredictable. What works one week might not work the next. Regular check-ins about how the division of labor is going can ensure that both of you are feeling supported.

Remember, a fair division of labor isn’t about who does more or less — it’s about what feels balanced and fair for both of you. This will help reduce resentment and ensure that you both feel like partners in this experience.

2. Navigating Intimacy After Baby

The physical and emotional changes that come with childbirth can make intimacy a tricky topic for many couples. After giving birth, many women experience shifts in their bodies, hormonal changes, and fatigue that can make them feel less interested in or able to engage in intimacy. That’s why it’s essential to talk openly and honestly with your partner about how intimacy will look during the postpartum period.

Here’s how to approach the conversation:

• Set Realistic Expectations: Be open with your partner about how you’re feeling physically and emotionally. You may not be ready for sexual intimacy right away (or for a long time,) and that’s okay. Let them know that it’s a gradual process and that intimacy can evolve over time.

• Physical Touch Beyond Sex: Intimacy isn’t limited to sex. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or just being physically close can keep the connection between you strong while also respecting your healing process.

• Communicate Your Needs: If you're feeling disconnected or distant from your partner, talk about it. Let them know how you’re feeling and how they can support you. If you’re feeling touched out or just too tired, communicate that gently.

Intimacy can still be part of your relationship after the baby arrives — it might just look a little different. By staying open to each other’s needs, you can create an environment where both of you feel loved and supported.

3. Communication Tips: How to Talk About Your Needs

Effective communication is key to ensuring both you and your partner feel understood and supported during the postpartum period. Here are some tips for fostering clear, compassionate conversations about your needs:

• Be Honest About Your Emotions: It's normal to feel a mix of joy, overwhelm, sadness, and exhaustion during the postpartum period. Let your partner know how you’re feeling emotionally, whether it’s about your body, motherhood, or the challenges you’re facing. Vulnerability opens the door for your partner to support you in a meaningful way.

• Use “I” Statements: When expressing needs, focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never help with the baby,” try, “I feel really overwhelmed when I don’t get enough help with the baby during the night.” This makes the conversation less accusatory and fosters empathy.

• Check In Regularly: Check in with your partner about how they’re doing as well. Postpartum changes affect both of you, so it’s important to ensure that your partner is feeling supported and that you’re both on the same page.

• Make Time for Regular Conversations: It’s easy to let important discussions fall by the wayside as you adjust to your new routine. Schedule regular times to talk about your relationship, your needs, and how things are going.

Being proactive about communication helps avoid misunderstandings and builds trust, allowing you both to navigate the challenges of new parenthood together.

Conclusion

The postpartum period is a transformative time for both partners. By addressing expectations for division of labor, intimacy, and communication, you and your partner can build a foundation of support, understanding, and connection. Remember, you're both adjusting to a new life, and by working together, you’ll make this transition smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.

You don’t have to navigate it alone. Open, honest conversations and a plan for support will ensure that you both feel connected and ready to take on the beautiful chaos of parenthood, hand in hand.

Ready to start your healing journey? Contact Shameless Mama Wellness today to schedule a free consultation.

With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn

I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.

As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.