How to Talk to Your Partner About Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety

Hey, Shameless Mamas - Let’s Talk about Maternal Mental Health

First, let's acknowledge how tough this subject can be. Talking about mental health as a mama is not easy. The stigma and shame surrounding these conversations can make it feel like you're supposed to handle everything on your own. Society often paints motherhood as something that's "natural" and "effortless," but the reality is far from that. Humans were never meant to mother in isolation—this is a uniquely Western expectation. In many cultures, raising a child is seen as a communal effort, and that support is crucial for both the mother and the child to thrive.

You deserve to be supported. You have the right to happiness, wellness, and the ability to flourish in your role as a mother. There’s no shame in admitting that you need help. In fact, seeking guidance is a sign of strength and self-awareness.

Navigating the early stages of parenthood is a transformative journey, filled with both joy and challenges. For many new moms, the postpartum period can bring about unexpected emotional and psychological changes. While discussing these struggles with a partner can feel daunting, open communication is key to healing and building a stronger relationship.

Here’s a guide on how to talk to your partner about postpartum mental health, drawing on insights from postpartum therapists, perinatal mental health specialists, and maternal mental health experts.

Understanding Postpartum Mental Health

Before diving into how to talk to your partner, it’s crucial to understand the nuances of postpartum mental health. Terms like postpartum depression, baby blues, and postpartum anxiety are often used interchangeably, but they represent different experiences.

Postpartum Depression vs Baby Blues

The "baby blues" affect about 70-80% of new mothers and typically include mood swings, crying, and irritability. These feelings usually peak a few days after childbirth and subside within two weeks.

In contrast, postpartum depression (PPD) is more severe and persistent, often requiring professional intervention from a postpartum depression therapist. Symptoms of postpartum depression may include intense sadness, loss of interest in activities, feelings of worthlessness, and difficulty bonding with the baby. Unlike baby blues, postpartum depression can last for months if left untreated. 

The difference between postpartum depression vs baby blues is the severity of the symptoms, the impact they have on your overall functioning, and the duration of the symptoms. The baby blues general resolve on their own without medical intervention within two weeks.

Postpartum Anxiety

Another critical aspect of postpartum mental health is postpartum anxiety, characterized by excessive worry, restlessness, and physical symptoms like a racing heart or nausea. A postpartum anxiety therapist can help manage these symptoms through therapy and coping strategies.

Why Discussing Postpartum Mental Health is Important

Open communication about postpartum mental health with your partner can strengthen your relationship and create a supportive environment for recovery. Partners often feel helpless or confused about how to help, but discussing your needs and experiences can clarify their role in your healing process.

Steps to Talk to Your Partner About Postpartum Mental Health

·      Choose the Right Time and Place
Initiating a conversation about postpartum mental health requires a calm and private setting. Choose a moment when both of you are relatively relaxed and free from distractions, perhaps after the baby has gone to sleep or during a quiet moment in the day.

·      Be Honest, Open and Vulnerable
Start by sharing your feelings honestly. You might say, “I’ve been struggling with my emotions since the baby was born, and I need your support.” Transparency helps your partner understand the seriousness of what you're experiencing.

·      Educate Your Partner
Many partners may not be familiar with terms like postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Share information from credible sources or suggest visiting a postpartum therapist together to learn more about these conditions. Explain the difference between postpartum depression vs baby blues to set realistic expectations about your healing journey.

·      Discuss the Impact on both of you

Share how your mental health is impacting your daily life, your ability to care for yourself and the baby, and your relationship. Recognize that your partner may also have feelings about this situation, such as confusion, frustration, or concern. Acknowledging their feelings will help them to express them more freely.

·      Communicate Specific Needs
It’s helpful to share specific ways your partner can support you. Whether it’s helping with nighttime feedings, attending therapy sessions, or simply being a listening ear, clarity helps avoid misunderstandings. You may not even know what you need from your partner, so before the discussion, think about specific needs you have that your partner may be able to meet.

·      Encourage Professional Help

Mention that seeing a postpartum therapist, or perinatal therapist, can be beneficial for both of you. Professional guidance can provide tools to manage the situation more effectively. Offer to include them by inviting your partner to join therapy sessions. This can help them better understand what you’re going through and learn how to support you more effectively.  

·      Reassure Them

Affirm your commitment to working on your maternal mental health. Reassure your partner that you’re committed to your relationship and to finding ways to manage your mental health. Highlight the benefits of postpartum therapy and emphasize that addressing your postpartum mental health will help you both, as well as your baby, leading to a healthier and happier family dynamic.

·      Follow Up

Keep the conversation open, and consider this the beginning of an ongoing dialogue. Check in with each other regularly about how you’re both feeling and coping. Adjust as needed and be willing to adjust your approach based on how things progress and what you both learn through the process.

Overcoming Barriers to Communication

Despite your best efforts, there may be barriers to open communication. Here are some common barriers and ideas about how to address them:

Stigma and Shame

Societal Expectations: You may feel societal pressure to appear as though you are handling motherhood effortlessly. This can lead to feelings of shame about struggling, which makes it hard to admit to a partner that you are experiencing postpartum depression.

Solution: Normalize the conversation by reminding yourself and your partner that postpartum depression is a common experience. Share articles, books, or other resources that discuss the realities of postpartum mental health to challenge unrealistic societal norms.

Personal Expectations: We often have high expectations of ourselves as mothers. Admitting to postpartum depression can feel like a failure to meet these self-imposed standards.

Solution: Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Engage in self-reflection and affirm that prioritizing your mental health benefits you, your baby, and your entire family.

Fear of Judgment

Partner's Perception: There may be a fear your the partner will not understand or might judge you for your feelings. This is especially true if your partner holds traditional views about motherhood or mental health.

Solution: Approach the conversation with honesty and openness. Share your feelings and explain that postpartum depression is a medical condition, not a personal failure. Encourage your partner to learn more about it by providing resources or suggesting they attend a doctor's appointment with you.

Self-Judgment: Internalized stigma can lead to self-criticism, making it difficult to open up.

Solution: Challenge negative self-talk by focusing on your accomplishments as a mother. Consider seeking therapy to help reframe your thoughts and build confidence in discussing your feelings.

Lack of Awareness or Understanding

Misunderstanding of Symptoms: Your partner may not recognize the symptoms of postpartum mental health challenges or may misinterpret them as normal stress or baby blues.

Solution: Educate your partner about the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety. Share personal experiences and explain how these symptoms are affecting your daily life.

Minimization: Your partner might downplay the significance of postpartum depression and anxiety, thinking they will resolve on their own without the need for serious discussion or intervention.

Solution: Emphasize the seriousness of postpartum depression and anxiety by discussing its impact on your wellbeing. Suggest involving a postpartum therapist to provide a clearer understanding and validate your experience.

Emotional Distance or Disconnect

Communication Challenges: If you are your partner are already experiencing a lack of open communication or emotional intimacy, discussing something as sensitive as postpartum depression can be even harder.

Solution: Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss your feelings and experiences. Use "I" statements to express how you're feeling without placing blame.

Your Partner's Emotional State: Your partner might also be dealing with their own emotional struggles, such as anxiety or stress related to the new baby, which can create a barrier to open dialogue.

Solution: Encourage mutual support by asking your partner about their feelings and stressors. Consider joint counseling or parenting classes to strengthen your bond and understanding.

Fear of Impacting the Relationship

Worry About Burdening Your Partner: There might be concerns about placing additional emotional or practical burdens on your partner, especially if your partner is already stressed.

Solution: Reframe the conversation by focusing on teamwork. Emphasize that managing postpartum depression together can strengthen your relationship and improve the overall family dynamic.

Fear of Rejection: There may be anxiety that your partner will not be supportive, leading to a sense of isolation or fear that the relationship could suffer.

Solution: Start the conversation by expressing trust and appreciation for your partner. Clarify that discussing your mental health is about seeking support, not criticism, and that it’s a step towards mutual understanding and growth.

Practical Barriers

Time and Energy: The exhaustion of caring for a newborn can leave little time or energy for meaningful conversations.

Solution: Break the conversation into smaller, manageable discussions. Find brief moments throughout the day to share your feelings, and prioritize these conversations as part of your routine.

Lack of Privacy: The constant presence of a baby, or other family members, can make it difficult to find a quiet moment to discuss sensitive topics.

Solution: Create intentional moments of privacy by setting aside time when the baby is asleep or when you can have a trusted friend or family member care for the baby. Use these moments to have focused and uninterrupted conversations.

The Role of Professional Support

Professional therapy plays a critical role in managing postpartum mental health. Engaging with a postpartum depression therapist or postpartum anxiety therapist can provide structured support, offering techniques to cope with overwhelming emotions.
Postpartum therapy focuses on helping mothers navigate the emotional challenges of the postpartum period. This therapy is tailored to address specific concerns like depression, anxiety, and the stress of adjusting to motherhood.
A perinatal therapist works with women through pregnancy and the postpartum period, addressing a broader spectrum of mental health issues. This approach can be invaluable for long-term mental health.

Partners can also benefit from therapy. A therapist can help them understand their role in supporting their partner and managing their emotions during this transition.

Finding the Right Postpartum Therapist in California

If you’re located in California, finding a local therapist for postpartum depression is crucial. Look for professionals who specialize in perinatal mental health therapy to ensure they understand the unique challenges of this period.

The Benefits of Therapy

·      Improved Communication
Therapy sessions provide a safe space for both partners to express their thoughts and feelings. This can enhance communication and reduce misunderstandings.

·      Coping Strategies
A postpartum therapist can teach coping mechanisms for managing anxiety, depression, and stress, benefiting both the mother and her partner 

·      Stronger Relationship
Navigating postpartum mental health challenges together can strengthen your relationship. With the guidance of a perinatal therapist, couples often find deeper empathy and understanding for each other.

Final Thoughts

Talking to your partner about postpartum mental health is a vital step in your healing journey. Open, honest communication, coupled with professional support from a postpartum therapist can make a significant difference. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and with the right support, both you and your partner can navigate this challenging period together, emerging stronger and more connected. There is no shame in admitting you are struggling. Humans were not meant to face this monumental transition alone. You deserve the help of your community to ensure that you and your baby thrive.

If you’re in California and looking for support, consider reaching out to Shameless Mama Wellness. I specialize in postpartum therapy in CA. Whether through individual or joint sessions, I can provide the tools you need to thrive in your new role as parents. 

With Warmth and in Solidarity,
Marilyn  

I provide a safe haven to discuss the thoughts you keep hidden.

As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.

Online therapy available to new moms in California.