A Postpartum Therapist Discusses the “Sunset Scaries”
What are the “Sunset Scaries”
and why is the evening so difficult for new moms?
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If you’re a new mom, you’ve likely experienced the unique challenge that evenings bring after a long day of caring for an infant. The exhaustion of motherhood, both physical and emotional, can feel particularly heavy by the time the sun sets. But why is the end of the day so tough for so many new mothers?
First, there’s physical exhaustion. Your body is often still healing from childbirth, and caring for a newborn can feel relentless. The constant demands of feedings, diaper changes, and soothing can leave you feeling drained by the evening. On top of that, the chaos of new parenthood tends to disrupt any routine you may have had, which can make the lack of structure feel disorienting or even overwhelming.
Evenings also provide time for reflection, which can often feel heavy. You may find yourself questioning what you’ve accomplished during the day, even though your day has been filled with endless tasks. Caring for a baby may not offer the same tangible sense of achievement as other tasks, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure. It’s easy to forget that even the small chores add up to a full day of hard work.
Additionally, as night falls, anxiety about another sleepless night may begin to settle in, bringing feelings of dread or sadness. The quiet of the evening often allows space for racing thoughts or self-criticism about your parenting, leading to guilt or shame. This emotional weight can feel even heavier due to the hormonal changes that occur after childbirth. In combination with sleep deprivation, these everyday stressors may feel insurmountable, especially during the evenings when there are fewer distractions.
Coping with the “Sunset Scaries”
The anxiety and sadness that hit in the evenings—sometimes called the “Sunset Scaries”—are a common experience for many new moms. But what can be done to manage these feelings of doom that settle in at night?
Create a Nighttime Ritual: Establishing a calming nighttime routine can help signal to both you and your baby that it’s time to wind down. This creates a sense of structure and predictability at the end of a chaotic day. Small rituals, such as a warm bath, soft lighting, or soothing music, can foster a peaceful environment and make the transition to bedtime easier for both you and your baby.
Practice Mindfulness: Incorporating mindfulness exercises into your evening can help ease anxiety. Deep breathing, short meditations, or journaling can help release the day’s stress while fostering a sense of accomplishment.
Connect with Others: Isolation is a common struggle for new moms, so finding community can be incredibly beneficial. Joining local mothers’ groups or connecting with other new moms online can provide support and a sense of belonging. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can help combat feelings of loneliness.
Limit Social Media: Reducing screen time, especially in the evenings, is crucial. Scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to the “perfect” lives of other moms can lead to self-judgment and unrealistic comparisons. Remember, social media is an exercise in post-production editing, and no mother should feel the pressure to compete with that.
Engage in Physical Activity: Movement during the day, such as a walk with your baby or a few minutes of stretching or yoga, can help relieve stress and set you up for a more peaceful evening. Physical activity can boost your mood and make it easier to manage feelings of overwhelm when the evening rolls around.
Show Yourself Grace: It’s important to acknowledge that not every day will go smoothly, and that’s okay. Show yourself the same compassion you would offer to others. You’re doing the best you can, and that is enough.
When is the help of a Postpartum Therapist needed?
While the Sunset Scaries can be a normal part of the postpartum experience, it’s essential to recognize when these feelings may be more than just a difficult time of day. If you’re experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness, despair, or overwhelm, it may be time to consult with a postpartum therapist.
Symptoms such as prolonged sadness, frequent crying, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, or significant changes in appetite or sleep that go beyond the usual challenges of new motherhood may indicate postpartum depression, not just the “baby blues.” The key difference between postpartum depression vs. baby blues is the intensity and duration of the symptoms. While baby blues are typically temporary, postpartum depression can be more persistent and requires professional help.
If you find that these feelings are affecting your ability to bond with your baby, it’s especially important to seek support from a postpartum depression therapist or a perinatal mental health specialist. Professional intervention can provide the tools and strategies needed to help you navigate this challenging time and reconnect with the joy of motherhood.
Empowering New Mothers: A Final Note
The challenges of new motherhood, particularly those that arise in the evening, are real and can feel overwhelming. But, by talking about these experiences—whether it’s the Sunset Scaries, postpartum depression, or the day-to-day struggles of caring for a baby—we help normalize the difficulties and complexities of motherhood.
At Shameless Mama Wellness, my goal is to eliminate the shame and guilt that too often accompany motherhood. If you’re struggling, reach out to a postpartum therapist or your support network. Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for help. By supporting one another and fostering open conversations, we can create a space where all mothers feel empowered to care for themselves as much as they care for their babies.
With warmth and in solidarity,
Marilyn
As a Postpartum Therapist in California, I offer many services utilizing evidence-based treatments. Some services at Shameless Mama Wellness include treatment for postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, birth trauma therapy, fertility counseling, therapy for miscarriage and loss, pregnancy therapy and treatment for NICU PTSD.
